Day 21: An Experience

Our pet cockatiel died on this day and it was because of me. I clipped his nails and I clipped one too short. It wouldn't stop bleeding. I took him to a vet who stopped the bleeding, but it was too late. He died a few hours later.

It was a horrible day. I was in high distress most of the day. I caused pain and fear to a little life over and over again and my mistakes brought an irrevocable consequence. The fact that it was unintended was in the end, irrelevant.

What can I learn from this mess? I hope I can learn a lot from it and order my emotions once again. For now, I learned that I am not very good with death or even with complications in my orderly life. It taught me to try to be more aware and forgiving of people who are emotionally distracted. The death of a bird sent my life and good intentions completely into a tailspin. There are a lot harder things in life with which people must deal. I can be understanding and patient when they are not able to accomplish very much. I've been there and it was a comparatively small thing that sent me there!

Also, I worried about telling my mother and my sister who initially cared for and loved the bird for many years before he came to live at our house. I knew they would forgive me, but I didn't know if it might be hard for them to do so. I wondered what it would feel like to have people not forgive me for something? How very blessed I am to still not know. I did learn how it feels to be forgiven, though. And what I learned is that being forgiven helps me to forgive myself. When they forgave me, I felt then that I could perhaps move on. It was a powerful gift to give.