Virtual Couch

327. Creating Intimacy vs. Seeking Approval

My main takeaways from this podcast were that your best path to happiness is to stop worrying about your ego. When you worry about how others perceive you then you try to hide what is negative about you or maybe try to find people who won't ever bring it up, etc. This stops you from being truly known by another person but also stops you from growing. In a very real way it leaves you much more vulnerable to what is dark inside you because if you face it, you must admit that you are not perfect or not the way you see yourself or not the way you want others to see you. So you don't face it and it can grow. If it is unchallenged, it can then do harm in the world--because you are unwilling to face the darkness in you.

Jennifer Finlayson Fife talks a great deal about this in the end from a religious perspective and I loved it. She talked about how Jesus spent a big part of his ministry condemning hypocrites--those unwilling to look at the darkness inside themselves. Jesus's message to all of us is to stay aware of our weaknesses and our natural inclination to evil because it is only then that we can control them, be safe from them, instead of them controlling us and doing damage to others.

I feel like this is a difference from evangelical Christians and their insistence that the only thing to be preached is that Christ saves you. They take issue with the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints because we also teach a moral code. And yet, Christ spent a big part of his ministry warning that we need to be aware of the darkness in us. Not just to acknowledge our absolute lost and fallen state without Christ's atonement but also to help us lead lives that are safer from the ravages of evil.

I also feel like this is a difference in the way people feel who leave the church. Some say that they feel like the church was always telling them they were bad. This is only half of the message. We all have weaknesses, unhealthy habits, and things we do that hurt others. The true message of the gospel is yes, a plea to watch for those things in yourself, but then the assurance that God loves you even with those realities and He can help you overcome then.

I think many people want to deal with the fact that there are undesirable things inside of them by denying that any undesirable thing even exists. They believe that if they eliminate their moral code they will feel better about themselves. Perhaps they will, but what have they given up in exchange? And is part of what they've given up their effort to create a society where we interact well with each other and create our best lives?