Day 65: Sunday School Class

As we spoke about treasures, my good husband mentioned a quote he'd heard that said, "That which we want the most controls us."

That got me thinking. What do I want the most? I do try to really look inside myself when I pray and put words to what it is that I want. Lately I've been coming up with some variation on, "I want to do what thou wants me to do, Lord. I want to be found acceptable. Help me to become what thou would have me be."

I started to wonder in class if maybe this isn't quite the right goal afterall. Perhaps, for me, that is just another variation on, "I want to be the best!" Which is this awful status issue that I am trying so hard to weed out of me and it just keeps cropping up. I know it is competition and a form of pride and it stops me from loving people as I should. So, if my big goal in life is to "be the best" then that certainly explains why it keeps cropping up.

So, what should I want most? What is the purpose of this life? It is a test and I so badly want to get an A! See how I am? That sounds okay, but it is about me and accomplishment and pride. It's wrong.

I think that the true great pursuit is to learn to love. The end goal is to create in ourselves a heart like God's heart. I don't know how to do it. But I do know how to pray. I know that God will continue to help me figure it out.